The Good, The Bad & The Giggly
by Fyrie
Summary: (Cats fic) Pouncival finds a cowboy hat and madness ensues. Dedicated to David Blonn, US Tour Pouncival, for the inspiration.


"Check it out!"  
  
Rumpleteaser didn't look very impressed. "What is it?" She asked, eyeing the odd-shaped thing that had been thrown over the fence of the yard. It was black and looked something like a squashed bowler hat with a much wider brim.  
  
"Beats me." Pouncival shrugged, grinning. "But isn't it cool?" Edging closer to it, he daringly prodded it with a paw, leaping back with a shrill squeak and ducking behind Mungojerrie. The thing on the ground didn't respond. Grinning a little wider, he edged out from behind the cat burglar. "Cool!"  
  
"Roight..." Mungojerrie tapped his temple significantly with a finger and pulled a crazy face behind Pouncival's back. Rumpleteaser nodded with a giggle.  
  
The younger kitten didn't seem to notice, though. He was prowling around the thing on the ground, looking torn between actually touching it again - which was very daring! - or just watching it for the rest of the day - which would be fun too!  
  
Finally, curiousity – which had never killed the cat, unless he was to believe his big brother – overcame him and he grabbed the black rim and snatched the thing up. "Neat!" Underneath the squashed-dome-shaped part, there was a hole. It could almost be...  
  
"Pounce, what the heck is that thing on your head?" Tumblebrutus – true to his name – tumbled out of a nearby pipe and landed neatly on his feet near the twin cat burglars. The brown and white tom shook his head, rolled his eyes and tapped his temple. Rumpleteaser dissolved into giggles again.  
  
Pouncival glared at his brother, straightening the thing over his ears. "It's my new...er...thing." He said, tugging at the brim again.  
  
"I say we all point and laugh." His elder brother remarked. "All in favour say 'Aye'."  
  
Both Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser said. "Aye!". All three older cats fell against each other, Rumpleteaser's demented giggles only making her twin and Tumblebutus laugh all the harder at poor Pouncival's expense.  
  
Ignoring their laughter, Pouncival got to his paws and stomped away in the opposite direction, his tail slashing from side-to-side in annoyance. He was scrambling up the junk heap, when he heard a familiar voice.  
  
"Yo, kid, neat hat."  
  
Tugger knew it was a hat? Cool!  
  
Looking around, he found the Maine Coon standing at the top of the pile and grinned, climbing towards him. He always knew Tugger was cool. Well, even if he was as much of a show off and as annoying as Tumble usually was, he was still cool.  
  
And he recognised that the black thing was a hat.  
  
That was always something.  
  
"Is it a hat?" He demanded, plopping down on his rear at the maned tom's paws. "Really? I mean you're not just saying that so I'll go back down into the yard and look stupid with it on, which I don't really care if I do cos I like it and I'm gonna wear it anyway cos its a cool thing and I like wearing cool things, even if no one else likes it cos I know they're just jealous and...er..." He took the hat off and scratched himself between the ears. "What was I saying?"  
  
Tugger chuckled. "Try breathin', kid." He suggested, a trace of amusement in his eyes. "Yeah, it is a hat. No, I'm not just sayin' that. And you, kid, can wear whatever you like as long as you like it yourself. You never seen the King?"  
  
"Doesn't he wear a crown?"  
  
"Not that King, kid. THE King. Elvis. The Man." Tugger ruffled the kitten's mane roughly. "I'm usin' him as a comparison. He used to wear these real tight pants that the human mothers got all worrisome about. He liked those pants, though, and he wore those kinda pants until he died..." A look of nausea crossed the Tugger's face. "Which was kinda gross...he was the same size as BJ when he got real old."  
  
"BJ?"  
  
"Old Busty." Pouncival stared up at the tom. "What? You ain't heard Lord Saddle-Bags bein' called that before?" Pouncival shook his head, still gaping. "Never mind, kid, you'll learn." Squatting down, he snatched the hat.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Tugger grinned. "Just takin' a looksee, little buddy." He drawled, flipping the hat over in his hands. "See, this is a human kitten's hat. It ain't so big as the normal John Wayne hats." He traced his claw around the rim. "Pretty neat, though. Well made."  
  
"John Wayne?" Pouncival nervously hazarded, wondering what the large tom was talking about.  
  
"Or the Lone Ranger." Clapping the hat back down on the kitten's head, Tugger gave him a grin. "All ya need is a mask and a trusty steed called Silver. And an Indian buddy called Tonto…"  
  
The kitten tilted the rim back over his brow with one paw. "Tugger, wh- what are you talking about?"  
  
"Cowboys, my friend." The Maine Coon chuckled. "Learn about the dudes of the Wild West and you'll be set…" Sauntering away, he couldn't help grinning. What had he let the poor kitt in for?  
  
The rim of the hat dipped over Pouncival's eyes and he hastily pushed it back up, a look of awe in his eyes. "Wow." Tugger had spoken to him for more than two minutes. Tugger had given him fashion tips. Tugger told him to learn something about somethings called cowboys…or something.  
  
Jerking upright, the hat fell over his eyes again. He pushed it back. If Tugger told him to find out about the peo…no, the DUDES of the Wild West, then – by his own tail – he would do it.  
  
*****  
  
"And he believed you?"  
  
Tugger grinned arrogantly, leaning against the side of the pipe. "He thinks I'm God, Tumble. You honestly think he would NOT listen to me?" He rubbed his claws on his chest, the examined them lazily. "He's probably gone to watch the first Western he can find."  
  
"You know," Tumblebrutus grinned. "I almost feel sorry for the poor idiot."  
  
Rumpleteaser, however, was giggling again, even more madly than usual. Clutching her sides, she rocked backwards and shrieked with laughter as the pipe disappeared from under her. "He-he-he looks…with the 'at…and the…and the 'at…he-he-he an' a…lasso…ho dearie me…."  
  
"Lasso? Who said anything about a lasso?"  
  
Mungojerrie looked from Tumblebrutus to Rumpleteaser and back again. Then he started to laugh too. "Blimey! If Pouncie's getting' into the Cowboys an' fings, 'e'll be tryin' to be loike 'em…'e'll wanna 'ave a lasso an' an 'orse…" The second of the tiger tabbies fell off the pipe, giggling as madly as the first.  
  
"Well, I hope I'm around to see these…lil escapades." Tugger sniggered. Poor little Pouncival had to be the most gullible kitten he had ever met, when it came down to practical jokes.  
  
Tumblebrutus shook his head with a chuckle. "He'll do it, you know…if he can, he'll go the whole hog…"  
  
"Whoi d'ya fink we're laughin', Tumble?" Rumpleteaser wheezed, leaning heavily against Mungojerrie's back. "S'gonna be blimmin' funny, is that!"  
  
Mungojerrie nodded vehemently. "Oi wanna see him troiyin' to rope 'is steers! 'Oo would let 'im rope 'em anyways?" His eyes drifted to the biggest tom. "It would 'ave to be someone big…"  
  
"As long as he don't come near me, the kid can keep his tail intact." Slouched against the pipe, the oldest of their number straightened his ruffled mane with a mock-glare in the tiger's direction. "He comes near me with a rope and he'll be seein' stars for a month."  
  
"I fink Mungo was sayin' you is the most like a cow out of us, Tuggah!" The female tiger squeaked, flashing a grin at him, before diving into a pipe, followed by her brother as a look of comprehension crossed the Tugger's face.  
  
He bent and peered into the pipe. "Seriously? Mungo, man, I'm hurt…" Flattening his mane he shot through the pipe after them and Tumblebrutus heard the tom's voice ring back to him. "But not as hurt as you're goin' to be!"  
  
*****  
  
"Pounce?"  
  
"Uhhuh? Whatisit? Issomethinggoingtohappen? Arewegonnaplay? Canyoudance? CanIdance?" Bouncing on his toes, Pouncival's tail was thrashing wildly back and forth and he looked ready to start bouncing off the fence and pieces of junk around the yard. "Canwesingdanceanddothehula?"  
  
Jellylorum took a careful step away from the kitten and not a moment too soon. He started to pirouette on his toes, in the style of Mistoffelees, the only difference being that he whooped loudly with every turn. "Pounce, dear, are you feeling all right?"  
  
"Allright? Allright! ALLLLLLLLLLLRRIGHTY!" Pouncing at Jellylorum, he missed her completely and fell into a pipe. All that could be seen was his tail waving around like a periscope. "North by north east captain!" His voice echoed strangely in the pipe.  
  
Catching his tail, Jellylorum leaned over the pipe and started to haul the shuddering kitten out. Asparagus hurried over the help, but as soon as he was free, the little tom looked ready to dart off again, spotting an interesting stone on the ground.  
  
Both the adults held him by the upper arms, tightly enough so that he couldn't spring away, but it didn't stop him bobbing up and down, giggling.  
  
"Pounce, me lad," Asparagus started to say. The kitten looked at him for a second and doubled over giggling again.  
  
"Melad, melad…melady…can you sing in melady? I can sing at the same time in more than one key, which is a melady, which I can sing cos I'm cool and cool is good which means I'm good and cool and everything is good and melady…Wheeeeeee!"  
  
Jellylorum looked from the older tom to the kitten and shook her head with a half-sigh. At least he wasn't wearing that stupid cowboy hat he'd found in the yard the week before.  
  
"Pounce, dear, have you…" Waving a paw in front of his face, she moved it in front of her, making certain he kept his eyes in her general direction. "I want you to listen carefully to me, Pounce." He nodded, grinning. "Have you eaten something funny to make you act like this?"  
  
"Eaten? Eaten?" He looked at Asparagus, clearly confused. "Eaten, shmeaten, beaten, feeten, seatin…"  
  
Asparagus was having trouble keeping his face straight. "Pounce," The kitten's head swung towards him, bobbing up and down like one of those nodding pollicles humans sometimes had in their moving metal boxes. "You munchied something?"  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"What?"  
  
Pouncival leaned forward conspiratorially. "Drinked it all up and crunchied up the bitty parts at the bottom."  
  
"Drinked what?" Asparagus imitated the secretive attitude of the kitten.  
  
Pouncival grinned, rocking rapidly on the balls of his feet. "The yummy human drinkie stuff…it was hot and smelled funny…co…co…cough-he!" He hmmed and nodded wisely. "Cough-he! I drinked up all the cough-he!" He gestured with his paws wide apart. "It was all in a big shiny jug…shiny is pretty…needed to drinkie to stay all wakey…to watch movie…"  
  
Jellylorum and Asparagus exchanged despairing looks. The kitten noticed and in that split second, threw himself forward and bounced away from them in a quick double hand-spring.  
  
"We have to tell Munkustrap." Jellylorum whispered. "This is very bad."  
  
Asparagus nodded, watching the kitten spinning so rapidly he tripped over his own tail and went rolling across the ground. By all manner of unfortunate coincidences that seem to happen, he rolled squarely against Munkustrap's legs and lay there, at the tabby's feet, twitching and giggling.  
  
"Oh dear…" The brown tom beside Jellylorum muttered faintly. "As if things couldn't get worse." The yellow-ish queen didn't say anything, knowing it was stupid to tempt the fates. "On no…"  
  
Pouncival had started circling Munkustrap's legs. The tabby was trying to follow his progress, but the kitten got faster and faster until he was little more than a speeding, colourful blur.  
  
Suddenly, he sprang away again. Munkustrap staggered forward a step, then back a step. "I feel sick!" He managed to groan, before ducking into the oven.  
  
Both the adult cats that had been watching the kitten looked around for him. He was bouncing on his hands and knees on the edge of the tyre. "Pouncival, come down from there at once!"  
  
Going into a handstand, the kitten somersaulted onto the ground and landed flat on his back again, giggling. Both Jellylorum and Asparagus started towards him, ready to tie him up and hide him until he was calm, but something stopped them.  
  
"MACAVITY!"  
  
The ominous, terrifying laughter rocked the yard.  
  
"Eeeek! Macavity! He's here! Come to get ya again, Deme! Bwahahaha!" The kitten spun around on his knees. "See I'm Macavity! Bwahahaha!" He spotted the two senior cats still moving cautiously towards him, their eyes flitting around the yard for any sign of the criminal. "Uh oh…Macavity's not here! No sir! He's gone! Gone byebye!" On the tip of his toes, he bent over, his paws flat on the ground with his rear waggling in the air. "Macavity's not here!"  
  
Jellylorum caught his waving tail. "Pounce, what are you still doing out?" He backflipped over onto his knees and stared up at her blankly. "You shouldn't be out here. Macavity's dangerous."  
  
"Oh yeah! Goodbadugly! Uhhuh! Gotcha! Gone!" The kitten sprinted away to the cover of the pipes, as the ginger cat crashed into the centre of the yard, sending the adults scattering around.  
  
Demeter screamed and hid behind Bombalurina. The red queen looked frantically around for Munkustrap, who had just managed to pull himself out of the stove and was looking distinctly nauseous.  
  
Tugger cast his eyes over the older tom and turned to Macavity, willing to fight in the tabby leader's place, if necessary.  
  
"Stand aside, Tonto!" All eyes, including Tugger and Macavity's swung to the oven as a small brown, grey and orange fluffball in a black cowboy hat and scrap-cloth mask flung himself off the top of the stove and landed on Munkustrap's back. "High-ho Silver! Away!"  
  
Munkustrap yelled in shock, clearly thinking he was under attack and started to try to buck the unseen assailant off. The kitten whooped gleefully, hanging on with all the caffeinated energy left in his mini caffeine-soaked body.  
  
Tugger gawped. The kittens peered out of the pipes in bewilderment. Jellylorum groaned and buried her head in her paws. Bombalurina and Demeter looked at each other, then back at the spectacle.  
  
But the biggest surprise came from Macavity.  
  
He doubled over and started to giggle. Not a deep, threatening, ominous, terrifying tomly giggle in the form of a manic 'bwahahahaahh', but an Rumpleteaser-styled, high-pitched girly squeak of a giggle!  
  
The tribe pulled their eyes from the forms of The Lone Ranger and his trusty – albeit ready-to-cry – steed and stared at Macavity, who had suddenly realised that he had revealed his deepest secret.  
  
Turning, he fled in terror.  
  
After all, how could the Jellicles be afraid of an arch-villain that giggled like a girl?  
  
"Help! He's got me! He's got me!" Munkustrap was still lolloping around the yard, squealing and trying to throw the giggling Pouncival over her shoulders.  
  
"Munk, honey," Bombalurina stepped in front of the tabby and reached up, snagging Pouncival. She hauled him down onto the ground, where he continued to bob merrily, as if he were riding some kind of horse. "It was just Pounce."  
  
The little tom ceased bobbing. "You could tell it was me?" He asked quickly, his words falling over themselves in their rush to escape. "But I had a mask and a hat and horse called Silver just like in the movies and they could never tell who he was when he wasn't being the Lone Ranger and I called Tugger Tonto…Tonto is my Indian friend but his name is weird and I don't like it cos mine is cooler…" Bombalurina's paw came to rest over the kitten's mouth. He blinked at her, but continued to speak muffledly. "Mud I bwas sabing du myart vron Bacabity."  
  
"Y'know, that's a good point." Demeter said, still trying to stop herself grinning at the sound of Macavity's girly giggle.  
  
Pouncival grinned, pushing Bombalurina's hand down. He tilted his hat. "See! I'm right and I'm cool and scared the nasty Macavity-cat away and he won't come back cos the Lone Ranger is here to stay with his neat hat…" He turned to Tugger and grinned brightly. "And Tonto."  
  
"Why you callin' me that, kid?" Tugger demanded grumpily, aware that his plan had somewhat backfired on him.  
  
Pouncival grinned and clambered safely out of reach of the tom. "Well," He replied, giggling happily. "It means Stupid!"  
  
That said, he sprinted off.  
  
It took Tugger another moment to realise he'd been insulted, then he too gave chase, closely followed by the whole flock of kittens.  
  
Jellylorum looked at Asparagus. Asparagus returned the look. "You know what, dear," The queen murmured. "I think it's about time we decided to look for a new tribe for ourselves."  
  
"But we would miss the sanity of this place if we left." The tom chuckled as they turned to watch the cowboy kitten and his little posse race around the yard, screaming and laughing. He looked at her. "Then again, maybe not…" 


End file.
